Though I am not in any way trying to say I am more fitter than anyone else, I have done enough exercise to have learned a unique and helpful set of tips and tricks. For credibility, here (NSFW) is a picture of me wearing my Black Rock Shooter hat and carrying some distilled water. I am really shy and self-conscious so please do not bully me. Also, I am taking a mirror-selfie because I have no friends to take pics of me, and it is awkward to ask this sort of thing to strangers. Without further word fluff, here are my four tips for successful fitness endeavors:

  1. Have your only source of potable water be the water fountain at the gym. When you run out of water and are THIRSTY you have no choice but to go to the gym. This incentivizes you to work out so that your fellow gym-goers think you are one of them … and not just some dude who keeps stealing the water.

  2. Imagine your beloved waifu is cheering you on so you have no choice but to do your very best to impress her. This technique is particularly effective if your waifu is a pure 2D maiden, who loves and appreciates all your hard work and dedication, rather than some disgusting 3DPD.

  3. Channel the accumulated rage and hatred that you carry around and refuse to let go of. Imagine that you are violently and savagely murdering all your haters, despite their pleas for mercy (^:

  4. Accept the fact that you are already dead inside, so even if the weight kills you not much is lost was lost as you were already dead to begin with. Realize that going to the gym is the only thing that gives you a temporary, albeit transient, feeling of being alive.